Disasters in Home Ec
by pleasant-hell
Summary: Baby Week takes over McKinley High. Santana and Brittany deal with the effects of being mothers to a plastic baby.
1. Chapter 1

Santana cringed as she walked past the line of plastic babies that were laid across the teacher's desk in her Home Ec class. She knew what was happening today was definitely not looking forward to it. The whole school was buzzing with the dread of what had recently been dubbed 'Baby Week'. She sunk into her seat, waiting for her bubbly best friend/secret girlfriend to bounce in with the usual boisterousness that Brittany emitted daily.

The Cheerio dropped her head on the desk. She knew this class was incredibly stupid and for someone living in the twenty first century, it was completely useless. But that's what Santana got for skipping school the day that everyone signed up for classes. It was, however, worth it because she skipped school that day to get everything ready and together for Brittany's surprise birthday party Santana threw that night.

Brittany walked in with a small smile that turned into a million watt smile when she saw the babies and daintily sat down next to Santana. Brittany on the other hand was not stuck in this class because it was the last one left, but chose this class because Santana looked pissed when she realized that it would have to be her last elective.

"Hey," Brittany smiled at Santana.

"Hey," Santana, no matter how grouchy, couldn't not smile back.

Brittany was about to add something when Rachel walked in so she stopped her train of thought to wave to the singer and forgot to start it again.

The ancient woman who taught the class walked in and surveyed the class with a laser like gaze. "I suppose you all realize what the weekend assignment will be this week. You will partner yourselves off and you will take one of these electronic babies," she picked one up and showed it to the class. "You will care for it for seven days. It will cry at random times and you must change it, feed it, burp it, play with it and rock it to sleep." She picked up a small bottle, "You will feed the baby with one of these bottles. If you loose the bottle or the baby you will _fail_. When you bring the babies back, I will check their statistics and if your baby has been left unattended for extended periods of time, has been crying for more than ten minutes, or has been dropped, you will _fail_. This is a major grade and could pass or fail some of you so I suggest you take it seriously. Those who do not wish to participate must turn in a forty page, single-spaced paper on the history of homemaking. You may also turn in your baby at the beginning of any day along with the twenty-page paper if you find it too difficult. Understood?" She looked at the silent class and then nodded, "Well pair yourselves off."

There was some shuffling of papers, chairs and people. A few people started to walk to Brittany, the only person who has consistently managed to pull an 'A' in that class, but before they got relatively close, Santana's glare sent them scampering away. She couldn't explain why Brittany was so good at the class, mostly because she never understood what they were doing, but Brittany was the top student in that class. It was nice because most of the time it was the other way around.

The teacher walked around handing out babies. When she got to Brittany and Santana, she shook her head, "You can't be paired together."

Brittany immediately asked, "Why not?"

"Because you're both girls," she looked around, "You both need to find a boy in this class to be paired with."

Before Santana could open her mouth to tell father time's wife off, Rachel shot out of her chair, "Are you saying that same-sex couples cannot successfully raise a child? Because I could point you to many journals, studies, and scholarly articles that state otherwise. And another thing, my _fathers_ have very close ties with the Lima branch of the ACLU. I'm sure they'd have something to say about this. I'm a perfect example of how a child born out of love is destined for greatness."

The old woman just huffed and put a baby on the table between Brittany and Santana, then put down a bottle next to it. Although Santana was thankful Rachel used her big mouth for something other than senseless ramblings, she thought that Rachel shouldn't have used herself as an example. It was like showing a three-legged dog as an example of agility.

Brittany hugged Rachel and thanked her after the old woman walked off. Rachel just smiled and nodded, glancing at Santana with a hesitant smile before taking her seat next to her temporary baby daddy.

"So," Santana looked at the sheet of paper that had been haphazardly dropped on their table a few minutes later, "What's the kid's name?"

Brittany hummed a few bars of the song before saying, "Emily."

"Perfect," Santana wrote down the baby's name.

The teacher stood in front of the class and showed them how to mix the baby's 'milk' which was a strange shade of orange. Then she showed them how to change the diaper, properly burp it and feed it. Then she showed them all of the things that they needed and how they were organized in the diaper bags they would receive upon leaving class along with a carrier.

When the class was over, Brittany took the baby to her last class of the day because Santana had a test.

"Three fucking babies went off during that test," Santana told Brittany as they walked to Santana's car after school.

Brittany frowned, "You shouldn't talk like that around the baby."

Santana rolled her eyes, "It's just a doll."

"We're supposed to pretend like it's a real one," Brittany looked down at the carrier and diaper bag the teacher had given them as they were leaving class.

The Latina quirked an eyebrow, but figured that's how Brittany was making an 'A' in the class. She treated every stupid assignment with the utmost seriousness. So instead of just watching, she helped Brittany buckle the baby in the backseat of her car, finding a lost pair of Brittany's panties in the process.

They went to Santana's house like they always did and walked into the kitchen where Santana's mom was sitting at the table, reading.

"What's that?" Santana's mom eyed the baby.

"It's a stupid Home Ec assignment," Santana set her backpack on the floor while Brittany put the baby's carrier on the table. "We get to be parents for a week."

"Good," Santana's mom nodded, "It's about time they teach you something useful."

Santana glanced at Brittany who met her eyes and rolled her eyes, but playfully so Brittany would smile.

The blonde looked at the clock on the microwave, "I need to get home and do my homework." She picked up the carrier to walk home which was only a block away.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Santana's mom told Brittany.

Santana glanced over at her mom like the older woman was nuts. Brittany just looked confused with her hand on the doorknob and the baby carrier in the other.

"If you two are going to do this assignment you're going to do it right," Santana's mom stated, "You both got this baby together and you're going to take care of it," she looked at her daughter and added an emphatic, "together."

Santana wasn't sure if her mom was taking the assignment as seriously as Brittany, if she was suspicious of the girls' relationship and wanted to give them a taste of life if they ever had a baby together, or if she just wanted to make sure neither one was going to accidentally get pregnant anytime soon.

Santana gave her mom an unsure, "Okay," before looking at Brittany, "You can stay here because my room is far away from mom and dad's and if we stay at your house the baby will wake up your sister."

Brittany nodded.

"I'll call your mom Brittany," Santana's mom rose from the table, "And I suggest you two go get some sleep while you still can."

Santana shot a panicked look Brittany's way. The blonde just offered a warm smile and led the way up to Santana's room.

"Has it cried yet?" Santana poked the baby that was lying on her bed between them.

Brittany shook her head. "Maybe it's broken."

Santana shrugged, "We can get a new one tomorrow." She leaned over the baby and gently kissed Brittany. As she pulled away Brittany caught her lips again and deepened the kiss.

Just as they were getting into it, the baby started to cry. It's shrill sound soon permeated through the room so loud that Santana was sure she was going to go deaf. Brittany calmly reached down into the diaper bag on the ground and pulled out a bottle. Once it was stuck in the small hole that was the baby's mouth, it quieted down.

"Nice one," Santana smirked.

Brittany smiled back. Santana was starting to think it wouldn't be so hard to take care of the baby.

However at three fifteen in the morning, she wanted to throw the plastic nuisance out the window. It had woken her and Brittany up four times that night. Brittany was pretty good as getting it to shut up, but now, the blonde was downstairs getting more water to mix the baby's food and Santana was alone with the little terror.

"Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up," Santana mumbled while walking around the room with it in her arms, feeling like an idiot for trying to calm a toy baby down.

Just as Santana was on the verge of tears, Brittany swept into the room and gently took the baby from Santana and stuck the bottle in its mouth. It immediately quieted down and Santana fell back on the bed, exhausted.

"Go to sleep San," Brittany smiled tiredly and kissed her, "I'm going to change her diaper then I'll be in bed."

Santana felt terrible for not being able to help Brittany very much. She promised herself as she fell asleep that tomorrow she was going to step up and be as good of a parent as Brittany to that computerized brat.

They were both slightly terrified to go to Cheerios practice with Emily. However when they arrived, they found that they weren't the only ones with the baby so they were a little relieved.

When Coach Sylvester walked in she surveyed the row of babies next to the row of red Cheerio duffle bags. "It looks like a Lamaze class reunion in here." She walked in front of the line of Cheerios. "What's the meaning of this?"

"It's Baby Week coach," one of the younger girls on the team stated.

"Baby Week?" Sue sneered.

"It's an assignment for Home Ec Coach," Santana elaborated, "We have to care for the baby for a week."

Sue rolled her eyes, "Can't they teach you something useful in school? Hostile takeovers, backhand springs, and the ability to look at Will Shuester without vomiting for example." She was met with silence. She just waved them off, "I can't stand to look at that mess of electronic children behind you. I'm going to Boca for a week. I'll be back when this mess is over."

Santana was downright giddy that Sue was going to be gone for a week. That meant no Cheerio practice, weekly weight in or having to constantly wear her uniform. She walked with Brittany down the hallway and when it came time for them to part ways, Santana insisted on taking the child because Brittany had been the one to calm it down during the night. Brittany seemed reluctant, but eventually agreed.

Baby Week was started to get on teachers' nerves as well as students'. Their lectures were usually interrupted two or three times by a crying baby and then when the student didn't know how to shut it up, the whole class had to listen to the excruciating wails until the parent figured out how to fix it.

The smart, experienced teachers had all taken the week off and left substitutes to deal with the madness making the class even more chaotic. It seemed like the Home Ec teacher was exacting revenge on all the teachers who told her that Home Ec was a waist of space, time, and money and the ones that said a technology class would be more useful. The evil smile that the teacher wore had convinced Santana that that was exactly what she was doing.

The baby went off in the majority of Santana's classes. She usually excused herself to take care of the baby in the hallway, which was quickly becoming the popular thing to do. There was one time when she couldn't remember or figure out what to do so she pulled Brittany out of her class to have the blonde take care of it. By the time school was out they decided to skip glee practice because she didn't know how much she could take. She handed the baby off to Brittany who buckled it in the back of the car.

Once home, they took turns taking showers before attempting to study. However Brittany fell asleep with a book in her lap and Santana didn't have the heart to wake her so she took the baby out of the carrier and crept downstairs.

She found her mom and dad in the living room, both reading different sections of the newspaper. Her dad smiled when he saw her and the baby. "How's parenthood treating you?"

Santana sat in one of the chairs in the living room and set the baby down on her crossed legs. "It sucks."

"Good," he chuckled, "You keep thinking that until you're thirty."

"It's not like I'm going to be a good parent anyway," Santana mumbled, "Brittany is the one that does all the work. I'm terrible at this."

"It's not something you learn overnight," her mother assured her, "Plus Brittany has a little sister she takes care of sometimes."

"But her sister's not a baby," Santana sighed back in the chair, praying to every god she could think of that the baby wouldn't started crying anytime soon. "How is she better at it than me?"

"You can't be the best at everything," her mom added, "And I'm sure there are a lot of things you're better at than her."

Santana shot a glare at her mom.

Her mom just smiled, "I didn't mean it in a mean way towards Brittany. You know I love her like part of the family. I just mean you're probably good at things she isn't and she's good at things you're not."

Santana opened her mouth to reply, but the baby started wailing. Santana checked its diaper and then picked it up to bounce Emily. A few seconds later, a sleepy Brittany made her way down the stairs and handed Santana a new, full bottle before making herself comfortable on the arm of the chair Santana was sitting in with the newly quiet baby.

Brittany laid her head on the back of the armchair and closed her eyes, drifting back to sleep.

"See what I mean?" Santana asked her parents, "I suck."

"You'll get the hang of it," her dad told her with a reassuring smile, "Trust me. It took a me a few weeks to get used to you when you were a baby."

Her mom added, "You just have to find an equilibrium. Find something you're good at with the baby and do that. Brittany can do what she's good at and the baby will be fine."

Santana glanced over her shoulder at the sleeping blonde, "Well, I better go make the coffee now."

Her parents laughed and both got up.

"We were going to make dinner anyway. We'll make you some coffee and bring it up to you," her dad told her and affectionately rubbed her arm.

Santana nodded. She gently nudged Brittany awake and took her and the baby upstairs. She laid down next to Brittany with the baby on her other side, trying to figure out how to be a better parent.

The baby woke up at one forty five and Santana was having a hell of time figuring out how to make it happy. Finally Brittany, who had been watching from the bed stood up. "Maybe if you just-" Brittany started and reached her hand around Santana to the baby.

But before she could finish, Santana yanked the baby out of her reach and yelled, "I can do it myself Brittany!"

Tears immediately filled Brittany's eyes, but she tried to hold them in. She just shrunk away from Santana and quickly walked out of the room.

Santana quickly burped the baby and put it in the carrier. Then she sat on the bed for a moment, just staring at the ground. Her whole body was exhausted. Her eyes, her back, her brain all ached with the lack of good, uninterrupted sleep.

Finally she heaved herself up and walked into the hallway, looking for Brittany so she could apologize. The only light in the house that was on was a small sliver radiating from underneath the closed bathroom door. She gently knocked, but didn't really expect an answer. She placed her palm on the door, feeling the cool wood against her skin. "B, babe I'm really sorry I yelled. I didn't mean it. Come back to bed." The end came out in more of the pathetic plea than an apology, but she didn't care.

When there was silence as her answered she put her back against the door and slid down to the floor. She couldn't explain it, but she could feel Brittany sitting on the other side of the door in a position that almost mirrored her own. Santana rested her head on the door and turned it to the side, staring hard at the floor. She quietly added, "I love you B."

Santana waited for a reply, but heard silence until the baby started crying again.

She sighed and heaved herself up off of the floor, "I'm gonna take Emily downstairs so you can get some sleep." This time she didn't wait for Brittany to answer her. She took the baby, carrier, and diaper bag downstairs.

Once the baby was quiet she put it in the carrier and set it on the counter in the kitchen. Then she got out a tub of ice cream and a spoon. She begrudgingly ate while glaring at the baby. A few bites in she muttered, "This is all your damn fault," to the plastic doll.

A few more bites later Santana heard footsteps. She hoped it was Brittany and had her eyes glued to the door until she saw her mom walk in. She sighed and looked back at her ice cream.

Her mom chuckled, "Sorry to disappoint you."

"It's not that," Santana sighed and stabbed her spoon in the ice cream, "It's that stupid baby. It's ruining my life. I don't sleep. I can't work out because I'm too tired. I look like a hot mess and now Brittany won't talk to me. She locked herself in the bathroom upstairs."

"Sounds rough," her mom was having to trouble hiding a smile. She walked to the sink and filled a glass with water.

Santana rolled her eyes, "Yeah, yeah. This is a huge life lesson thing. Don't worry, I'm _never_ having kids.

"Well don't say that," her mom sat across the table from her, "When you have a real baby you have an emotional attachment to it. That's just a doll that cries and needs to be fed."

"And poops," Santana added, "All the damn time."

Her mom shot her a warning look for cursing. She just bowed her head, "If kids make Brittany hate me I'm never having them."

"She doesn't hate you," her mom assured her, "She's just upset that you yelled at her."

Santana looked up at her mom quizzically, "How did you know?"

"The whole neighborhood knows."

"Oh," Santana dropped her head into her arms, "I just…dunno what to do."

Her mom stood up and gave Santana a hug. "You'll give something out mi amor." Then she kissed the top of Santana's bed, "I'm going back to bed. Good luck."

After her mom walked out, Santana put the ice cream up and took the baby back upstairs. After checking the bedroom to see if Brittan was in bed, which she wasn't, she went to the hallway that bathroom was in and sat in front of the door.

Taking the baby in her arms, she leaned back on the wall opposite the bathroom door and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and started singing.

I miss those blue eyes

_How you kiss me at night_

_I miss the way we sleep_

_Like there's no sunrise_

_Like the taste of your smile_

_I miss the way we breathe_

_But I never told you_

_What I should have said_

_No, I never told you_

_I just held it in_

_And now, _

_I miss everything about you_

_Can't believe that I still want you_

_And after all the things we've been through_

_I miss everything about you, without you_

Finally when Santana was about to give up, the door of the bathroom slowly opened and Brittany looked at Santana. Neither one said anything. Brittany let out a small smile and takes Santana's hand. They walked back into the bedroom and lay down together, laying the baby in the carrier before wrapping up in each other.

In class, Brittany and Santana sat, slightly leaning against each other exhausted. The only person who wasn't exhausted was Rachel who had returned her baby with the forty-page paper. Yesterday, she yelled at Mr. Shue for handing her the sheet music in the wrong key before storming out, storming back in to get her baby and then storming out again. Her hair was disheveled and her knee high socks didn't match.

"Maybe we should hire a nanny," Mike whispered to his baby mama.

The nameless Cheerio's eyes lit up, "Yes! I'll call around at lunch to see if I can find one."

Santana glanced at Brittany, hoping the blonde would be open to it. However, Brittany just frowned and shook her head.

The head Cheerio shrugged. Neither one of them had enough money for a nanny anyway.

Emily started crying and Brittany scooped her up and started feeding her. The blonde laid her head on Santana's shoulder and sighed. Santana put her arm around Brittany and let out a tiny smile. Maybe someday they would be in this same position with a real baby. But right then, Santana was just happy that Emily was quiet and Brittany was by her side.

That night, Brittany and Santana had gotten into a groove. They had become accustomed to the baby's schedule and usually anticipated what it needed. At a little before ten, Santana walked back into her room with a new bottle to find the baby already quiet and Brittany asleep with her hand on its stomach. She smiled softly and crawled into bed behind Brittany, wrapping her arms around the blonde's waist, leaving the bottle on the nightstand for later.


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh my god," Santana started throwing pillows and blankets off of the bed, "Oh my god. Oh my god." Brittany was going to be back from her house any second and she had lost the baby. When she finished stripping her bed of everything, she ran to her closet.

"San?" Brittany called when she walked in a few seconds later. She had changed at her house and gotten some fresh clothes in her Cheerio duffle bag.

"I'm in the closet," Santana stated moving all her clothes around, looking the most irrational places because she'd already checked everywhere in her room that was rational to check. "I'll be out in a sec."

Brittany just shrugged, dropping her duffle bag by the door and setting the baby carrier on the bed. "Are you doing laundry or something? All the sheets are off of the bed?"

"Uh, yeah," Santana moved a box in the closet over so she could stand on it to look on the top shelf.

The blonde smiled and took the baby out of the carrier, "Sorry, it took so long. Emily was hungry so I fed her before we came back."

Santana nearly fell off of the box she was standing on. She caught herself on the shelf, but her fingers grazed a book that started to topple over, causing a cascading waterfall of books and DVDs onto Santana's head.

"Son of a bitch!" Santana covered her head and without the support of her hand on the shelf, fell onto the already large pile of books on the floor.

Brittany set the baby in the carrier and ran over to the closet, "Are you okay?"

Santana just laid on the pile of books and took a deep breath, "I'm never having kids."

The blonde smiled and helped Santana up before starting to gather the books on the floor, "Why not this time?"

Santana just shook her head, "When did you take the baby? I thought you left her here."

"I was going to, but you fell asleep before I left," Brittany cocked her head to the side, "Were you looking for her in the closet?"

The brunette looked at the plastic child, then moved to the bed to lay on it, "Yes. Don't ask me why."

Brittany just chuckled and replaced all the books before gathering up the sheets, "I'm going to go put these in the laundry."

"Marry me?" Santana asked Brittany with a tired crooked smile.

The blonde just smiled, taking the offer as a joke. She didn't give an answer. She just walked out the door and made her way downstairs.

Santana picked up the baby and held it over her head, "What do you think?" She asked the plastic toy, "She'd make a good mommy huh?" When it didn't answer, Santana added, "I think I'd do okay too."

Just as she finished the sentence the baby stared screaming. Santana rolled her eyes, "Fine I'll be a terrible parent. You don't have to scream about it." She dug through the diaper bag and pulled out the bottle, shoving it in the baby's mouth. It started to quiet down as the liquid started to disappear.

Brittany walked back in and immediately laid down next to Santana. She smiled and sweetly kissed the other girl.

"What was that for?" Santana asked, pulling the empty bottle out of the baby's mouth and putting it back in the carrier for its 'nap'.

"You did it all by yourself," Brittany grinned, "You made the baby stop crying."

Santana sighed with a faint smile on her face, "I guess I did. Maybe I won't make such a terrible parent after all." As if on cue, the baby started wailing again.

The head Cheerio rolled over onto her stomach and screamed into her pillow, "I give up!"

Brittany scooped up the baby and bounced it for a few seconds until the crying subsided. Then she put the baby down and laid her head on the middle of Santana's back. "You'll be a good mommy."

"Yeah right," Santana mumbled into the pillow, "I can't even take care of a plastic piece of crap."

Brittany yawned, "Yes you can."

"She cried every time I come near her," Santana slowly rolled over so that Brittany's cheek was on her stomach. She thoughtfully ran her fingers the length of Brittany's hair.

"It's not a real baby," Brittany looked up at Santana, "If it was a real baby, you'd know what to do. You always know what to do."

The brunette softly smiled at her best friend, "I guess. You will be an amazing mom though."

Brittany bit her lip in deep thought, "Only if you're there."

Santana raised an eyebrow, "Why do I need to be there?"

"Because I need your help," Brittany stated. She sat up and played with the hem of Santana's shirt.

"Yeah right."

"I do," Brittany's eyebrows furrowed in a serious expression, "I couldn't hold the baby and make the bottle at the same time. I tried that, remember?" Santana nodded, remembering when Brittany spilled the baby's food all over the floor of her kitchen at two a.m. Santana swept in and made the bottle before cleaning up the mess. "We're like a team."

Santana thought about it. She guessed her parents and Brittany were right. She was good at some things and Brittany was good at other things. That's why they were a great team. Brittany could dance. Santana could sing. Brittany could rock a baby to sleep, make the diaper bag was stocked and still manage to keep Santana happy. Santana could make bottles for a baby, clean up messes, and still manage to not blow a gasket.

"We're a kick ass team," Santana smiled at Brittany.

The blonde crawled up the bed and gently kissed Santana, "Yeah."

"Sleep?"

"Mhmm,"

"Goodnight Brit."

"Goodnight San."

When they day came to turn in the baby, Santana was a little disappointed. The baby had brought her and Brittany impossibly closer. They had settled into a domestic contentment that they had both loved. Now Brittany was going to have to go back to living at her house and Santana was going to have to get used to her empty room again.

They stood in line at the teacher's desk to have the baby plugged into the computer and be told their grade based on the care they had given it.

"This baby was dropped," the evil teacher glared at Matt and his partner. "Eight times."

"It's not real," he tried to argue, but he sighed and walked off with a 'C'.

Brittany presented the baby to the elderly woman behind the desk. The woman rolled her eyes at the two and plugged the chord into the back of the baby.

The woman's eyes narrowed at the screen as she read the report. She clicked around a few times and then her mouth dropped slightly open. She took a deep breath and looked at Santana and Brittany, "You two have managed to take better care of this baby than any other pair of students in this class. 'A' plus."

Brittany squealed and hugged Santana. The brunette hugged Brittany back with a calm smile. She could care less about the 'A'. The experience with Brittany was a life changing, mind-blowing experience. Brittany was more perfect than Santana could have ever imagined and all it took was a stupid plastic baby to show her that.

* * *

That's the end. Thanks for reading.


End file.
